From the beginning of conscious memory, I didn’t feel like I fit in or belonged anywhere. It always felt like I was just visiting no matter where I was. No place felt like home. It was more like I was observing people, places and situations.
In many ways I felt lost and alone. Friends were difficult to make a challenge to keep. Emotions and experiences affected me more deeply than most if not all the people around me.
I was often challenged for seeing things differently. As a child I was considered outspoken. Having my opinion of how things ought to be caused frustration, bitterness, feelings of being betrayed and even anger.
For many years there was a very tall, thick brick wall behind which I hid my heart, my Spirit, my uniqueness. Things still hurt, people still misunderstood and my heart still got broken. Instead of learning how to cope with my true-Self, I hid behind a sharp tongue laced with anger.
I attracted abusive partners as a way to keep my human self in-line as an attempt to be like others, to be normal. At some point I remember making a conscious decision to stop being angry. Hiding behind a wall didn’t protect me from the very things I wanted and needed protection from. It simply wasn’t working.
My perception of my childhood is one that is filled with not being loved enough, never being good enough no matter how I tried. Today I am pleased to share with you, through years of Soul searching and much self-healing, my relationships with my biological family have healed.
I chose to come of out hiding from behind the brick wall I had built around myself although at that point I no longer knew who I was. There was a lot of self-doubt, insecurity and confusion about why I was in a place that at times is extremely harsh on all levels and in every way possible.
During the fall of 1989, my Mom introduced me to crystals through a book titled The Spiritual Value of Crystals and Gemstones. I didn’t just read that book devoured it and all it had to offer. I began using crystals for their Metaphysical healing properties.
I taught myself to channel energy long before I had heard of Reiki or knew what it was or how it worked. I practiced on friends and family whenever I had the changes. Channeling energy, like many things I would later discover came naturally.
There was still little clarity about my purpose and why I was here. If only someone would tell me what my purpose was, surely I could figure out the rest. If only someone or something would point me in the right direction everything would be OK. Maybe then I would be loveable, accepted and be of value to someone.
I read a lot of books, meditated and worked on myself. I tried a lot of techniques and yet nothing really fit. I was closer with each step forward, still I knew there was something more.
In 2005, I discovered a coffee shop here in El Paso, Texas named Butterflies of Wisdom. The moment I walked in it felt like I had come home. I met other Seekers, Light-Workers and Healers.
We all believed a little differently, saw, heard and felt things a little differently from each other. The most important thing for me is how everyone accepted themselves and each other without judgment, without condition.
This incredible coffee shop and its amazing owners, Carlos Luis Gonzalez and Scott Centers, provided a safe haven, an environment for this lost Soul. I began to blossom little by little. I started taking classes, lots and lots of classes. My thirst for understanding my Life’s Purpose was insatiable. I continued to study, read books, meditate and worked on forgiveness and self-healing.
With each step forward I discovered more about who I am and how to assimilate my truth, walk my own talk while remaining authentic to my core essence, my true-Self.
Since those first classes, I have consciously expanded my sense of awareness and my intuitive gifts. Expansion came at a cost. I was already highly sensitive to energy, my own and all the energy around me. At times it was more than I could handle and I became overwhelmed.
As I crossed through yet another energy portal, I taught myself to balance, integrate and assimilate the ever widening gap between my energy vibration and the energy of others around me. I asked for and created filters to protect myself from absorbing unwanted energy and thoughts of others around me.
I have been where you are. I understand the deep Soul level pain of not knowing why you are here, not knowing what your purpose is or how to fulfill your Life’s Purpose. Our circumstances are different; the heart-felt Soul level ache is the same.
My sole purpose for being here in this realm in this time is to radiate unconditional love and Source light so that I can help you fulfill your Life’s Purpose.
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